Usually, we all want things which we can die for (almost). I now wish that it hadn’t been meant to be like that, I would have felt something blandly comfortable, can’t really tell you what I mean. Out of the door, to another door, one road leading to another, I see the same ghosts all around me, difficult to fathom, harder to get away from, there’s no point in even running away from them, but then again…

I sure wished I knew what the hell I was talking about, but I’d picked up enough terms and felt the importance attached to them, so that I could use them properly without knowing what they meant. But they felt right, so very right (yeah, from Roger Zelazny), I couldn’t help thinking that I could do it. The signals were facing every palpable direction, but the still couldn’t miss the target, did I want it? No, it’s not about want, it’s about the context, which, we can’t read sometimes, contexts, yeah, they are more funny than we are able to laugh at them.

Worst part is always hidden behind the dim lights at the entrance; I guess that is why we can’t see it coming. What would happen if lost the eyes one day? But we can’t live life on such calls. Worst isn’t more complicated, that is the confusion at least I am deemed to land in, it seems. Simplicity stares at me, like a small child sitting on the lap of a mother on the back of a scooter, I don’t wish to seize it, because I had passed those moments, so there I was, expecting life to be more than just that—It isn’t, and it wont be, the signals go green, and every single time, yes, every single time, I have to turn on the key and move on.

So I simplify it, because my mind can’t understand more, to something palatable, if I had only been a key on the keyboard, I think I would still played on without knowing the meaning of the entire tune, like (as) I perceive it, like (as) I know what is happening, I would have argued better with the counter examples, it wouldn’t be part of the acceptance for once, because my brain will yield reasons to fight even if there is nothing to refute.

So the obsession with the I’s and the My’s would give away to few beliefs which I like to call rationality right now, so will I survive then? Or will it be just another road leading to the same destination? So I try to make-believe, but these are only the saner moments, I m reminded, what will happen after that? The same, isn’t it? Ok , I quit.